


Yeast Infection

by orphan_account



Category: Biohazard | Resident Evil (Gameverse)
Genre: Baked Goods, Multi, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 02:56:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17378279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: "You were almost a Jill Sandwich".  If only Barry knew how those words would come back to haunt Jill...





	Yeast Infection

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Silex](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silex/gifts).



> Posted for the Exchanges After Dark Birthday Bash, a celebration of... fic. Of some description. Alternative quality fic. I didn't sign up for this exchange. Silex didn't sign up for this exchange. I even asked _Silex_ if there was a particular tag they wanted to see filled, and they didn't even mention this tag.
> 
> Yet here we are.

The door opened with a satisfying -click-, and Jill put the lock pick away.  The Allerbmu Bakery was a suspected front for a bioterrorist organization, apparently working with weaponized versions of _Saccharomyces cerevisiae,_ Baker’s Yeast.

It was apparent things had gone horribly wrong at Allerbmu as she shined her flashlight along the floor.  A dead man in an apron, carving knife buried in his neck, lied on the ground.  A coffee cake under a glass display _undulated_ in a manner most unsettling.

That six-foot-tall baguette was drenched in blood.

“SKREEEEE!” shrieked the six foot tall, ambulatory baguette.

This was odd, because baguettes usually were not mobile.  Or shrieking.

Jill unholstered her gun and levelled it at the demonic bread.  She narrowed her eyes, took a deep breath, and her finger tightened on the trigger.  A few shots rang up, knocking chunks from, but not dropping, the carbohydrate-laden horror.  That was when a ferocious-looking Kaiser Roll leapt atop the counter next to her, a gurgling emanating from the freshly-baked abomination.

“Clever girl…” Jill said, wheeling around to take aim at her new aggressor, but it was too fast, leaping atop her.  As it tore clothing from her and pinned her, and swatted her weapon away, Jill learned one thing.

The Kaiser Roll was not a girl.  Why monstrous bread needed a penis was lost on Jill, but her hand bushed against an unmistakably masculine organ in the struggle.

Kicking the beast away, Jill crabwalked back from it, then stood.  Unfortunately, the Kaiser Roll was not the only monstrous baked good that existed.  The baguette launched itself at her, and they tumbled to the linoleum.  It’s frantic attempts to mount her told her that like the Kaiser Roll, the baguette was also male, and it’s interest in her went beyond murder. 

Jill kicked and thrashed and struggled, but when the Kaiser Roll joined in, the two foodstuffs managed to hold her down, pry her legs apart, and drive in.

Five hours of thorough molestation by bread later, Jill Valentine lay on the floor, quite still, trying to ignore the radio calling for a status report, as it had done for the past five hours.  It was harrowing, and, to Jill’s shame, more than a little _exhilarating,_ but through the narrowest of margins, Jill had emerged victorious.

As the baked abominations slammed into her in multiple positions, they eventually knocked into the counter, sending small, single serve packets of grape jelly falling to the floor, along with a single plastic butter knife.

She was full, in multiple senses of the word, and covered in jelly and butter and god knew what else, but the partially-devoured monsters were

\--

In the back room of the bakery, the Baker shook her head.  Tricell had provided the funds to bring her vision to life, and she couldn’t fail, not now.  She had underestimated Agent Valentine, expecting the bread to seal the deal.  But she had one last trick, something that Valentine couldn’t, wouldn’t best.

“Unleash the cheesecake.”

**Author's Note:**

> There is no excuse for this.


End file.
